7 to 8 Questions to Save You Time and Heartbreak

     All these dating and relationship books are a business people...they are in it to make MONEY!!! Wake the f*ck up lol.  Movies and television are selling true love will find a way...hey it might I don't know but I do know this...relationships are simple, people make them hard. You don't need to read a 200 page ego trip, just have a conversation...if you don't know how to start one try this...

If you are considering going on a date with someone ask them a few simple questions.  Save the attitude and aggression for your momma...make sure to use a non-threatening tone:

You: "When was your last date?"
Them: blah, blah, blah (You just listen.)
You: Are you still seeing them?"

If the answer is "Yes", this person just became intriguing to you...Is that interest I feel? Now you have more questions:

You: "What do you like about her?"
Them: blah, blah, blah (You just listen.)
You: "They sound like a catch. How long have you been seeing them?" (*Note* Names don't matter at this point so don't ask.  Also, it doesn't matter if it is one "them" or a thousand "thems"...it's all the same.)
Them: blah, blah, blah (You just listen.)
You: "Why are you here with me? What is your expectation(s)?"

Now if the answer is "No", this person needs to be probed deeper than the "Yes" person and all you have to do is ask them one or two more questions that will determine this person's position in your life:

You: "What didn't you like about them?"
Him: blah, blah, blah (You just listen.)

If the answer given is anything other than "They were not the one" or "We grew apart", chances are this person is not ready for a relationship.

Stop. Don't pass go. Don't collect any imaginary money...here is where you have a decision to make:

Do I want to attempt to have a relationship with this person or else. If you choose "Yes" to relationship attempt your next question should be:

"What is your expectation from me?" Let's rant on "expectation" real quick...many say they don't expect anything from anyone... LIAR; the truth doesn't come from you.  We all have them with everyone we encounter even if it is just for them to be themselves...that is your expectation of them. I digress...

If you choose a "No" to a relationship attempt with said person, you either kick rocks, friend zone them to high heaven or use them as your sex slave. Don't make it emotional or an attempt to manipulate them.

That's it...no science just common sense and a conversation. You're welcome!  Always remember people are liars so show patience with your actions to uncover decepticons.
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Now for those folks in a relationship that's not meeting your expectations and you are angry and cursing your mate AND you didn't read this post PRIOR to writing your love story, I am going to save you headache, heartache and breathe:

Ask yourself:
"What was the expectation?"
"Was this communicated clearly to my mate in verbal or written form?"

If the answer is "Yes",what's the real problem because it ain't expectations? Provide the proof. Verbal proof equals you are currently getting chewed out by this person.

If the answer is "No", case dismissed.

Honesty is always the best policy and you will thank yourself in the end.  It would also be helpful if you asked these questions of yourself so that you know you two have the same intentions.

In the beginning...

I tried to avoid these blog things for the longest period of time but I find myself expressing a lot of my thoughts on Facebook so why not have a complete thought for once.

So where does one begin? The beginning I guess. So let's see:

I am the 3rd child of Henry & Doris. Henry & Doris have 5 daughters: Yolanda, Tamika, Atalaya, Crystal & Kristie. Henry & Doris have been unhappily married since 1971. Why don't they get a divorce you ask well in the words of my father "it is cheaper to keep her" (blank stare).

My family has lived in the smallest community of Culloden, GA forever. My dad started building our home when I was in the 2nd grade I think. I remember moving into the house when I was in the 4th grade and it was unfinished and 21 years later it is still not finished. As a matter of fact, I don't think much has been accomplished.

My dad took the hands off approach to parenting. He was there in presence only. He was #1 in a house of 7.

He made sure he always had clothes on his back and a meal in his belly because he worked to have those things...umm, we are btw the ages of 1 - 14, where are we supposed to find jobs? There was period of time where we received free lunch at school and all of a sudden we had to start paying for lunch and he didn't want to give us money because-who knows why-and we literally had to beg him for money so we could eat.

At the start of every school term, he would only give us $50 a piece for school clothes, supplies, shoes and any other necessities related to the cause. 50 measly dollars per child = $250. All the while, he had dozens of JCPenney catalog orders arriving daily. He had so many clothes, he started using my sister's closet to store his clothes.

I could go on and on about him but it only gets worse.

Anyway, my only escape was college. No more hearing my mom complain or have to bear witness to the ridiculousness that is my dad.

My sisters (dum dum dum). We are so completely different and so alike at the same time.

Yolanda, the oldest, one word describes her "BITTER". She experienced all the bad with my parents where we came in at different parts. She never really liked the idea of having sisters because she was the only child for so long. Later in life, she decided she wanted to escape the hell that was our life and decided to get knocked up, but that didn't quite work out the way she hoped. She trusts no one and is very cut-throat. I haven't spoken to her since 2005 because of a hair weave, yes a hair weave (she is a beautician) and she stopped talking to me; but that is another story.

Tamika, the 2nd oldest, one word describes her, "DIFFERENT". She is "Can't Get Right" if anyone knows the Eddie Murphy/Martin Lawrence movie "Life". She has always been boy crazy. She will turn her back on her sisters in a heartbeat for a man. She would tell every secret I ever told her, she totally sucked. I hate to admit it now, but I think she still kind of sucks for the life of misery she put me through. She would always talk about my body calling me fat, putting me down in front of others, you know, a real class act. Not really sure what is going on in her life since we don't really speak much because she still has high school ways of tattling and trying to get me into trouble, I guess to make herself look better.

Atalaya, me, one word to describe me, "DETERMINED". My sisters would always tell me they thought I was our dad's favorite kid and I would tell them I got the same amount of nothing they did so get over it. I can admit to getting a little extra attention, entered into pageants, had a ton of trophies, special pics with the Principal of the school, more attention from family friends...you catch the drift but that didn't matter to me because there was complete madness surrounding me. I did very bad things as a child and I was punished for them. I got over that phase and focused all that attention on making good grades so I could get the hell out of there.

Crystal & Kristie, the twins, two words "Polar Opposites". They are very similar mentally but they are super fraternal to the point of questioning if they were switched at birth. I told them once I graduated college that I didn't have any memories of them growing up. Maybe because I was young when they came into the picture or I just totally decided to block out my childhood.

Doris, my mom, is a very sweet lady. The nicest lady anyone would meet but she has lived a very hard life. Since birth, my mom has been disappointed by the most important people in her life. She was raised by her grandmother and at the age of 14 she found out who her real mom was and that she had siblings and that she wasn't wanted. That side of our family never liked her or us. Then she thought she found happiness with Henry, turned out to be a total bust. She can't trust her husband, her real mom, sisters, brothers, no one. She loves my dad more than she loves us which is sad because we care more about her than he ever will. Now her health is deteriorating and every time I call her she wants to talk about what my dad hasn't done and I told her I don't care. I had no choice but to listen to it as a child and I refuse to listen to it as an adult.

I don't call home much, mainly because there aren't any good memories. I don't have that "family feeling". I miss them but it is so much unhappiness and misery there. Do I think it affects me now? Yes. But I can not let the past determine my future.